Although there is an abundance of information today on how to deal with a narcissist, or toxic personality, there seems to be very little about the power dynamic and how to switch the script in order to heal from that relationship or call to yourself the ability to stop reacting if you can’t leave the relationship.
The most important thing to remember about the narcissist is that they are acting out of ego and they depend upon the care and feeding of that ego in order to feel important or heard. In doing so, they will often target anyone who may challenge their belief system or refuse to allow them the control they desire.
While the ego based personality may act out in such a way as to make their intentions obvious, it is actually more common for those who are operating from a place of fear and trauma to do so by making passive-aggressive comments. They may say something about you publicly through hints and caustic comments intended to hurt. I know quite a bit about this particular trait because it is my own toxic trait that I have struggled to overcome through my spiritual work.
The one thing that most helped me when I encountered a toxic person in my work as a social justice warrior, leader and spiritual counselor is recognizing the imbalance of power. It not only provided me with the tools I need to refrain from responding when I’m a target, but also to move on from the relationship in a spirit of forgiveness and the recognition that they are dealing with a personal pain so deep that it is not yet possible for them to begin the process of healing.
Although, on the surface, these personal attacks appear to be an attempt to minimize your power, they are, in reality, a very real attempt to hand over to you their personal power. They don’t know what to do with it, they are unable to claim it themselves, so they readily hand it over to the person they are targeting. Once you realize this, it becomes much easier to see that power play as it is and not engage in an attempt to defend yourself. It’s about them and their deeply seated trauma and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Eventually, they will either have a point in time where they realize what they are doing or they will decide they would rather be unhappy and redirect that internal anger for the remainder of their life. That is their story, and it doesn’t mean you have to subscribe to the drama.