At one time the term “narcissist” referred to a specific disorder in which a person acts without any consideration to the needs and wants of others. This character disorder, along with psychopathy, were considered completely nonredeemable and capable of becoming a murderer if it suited their agenda. Today, it is used to describe nearly anyone who acts solely in their own interests.
There is a rise in the narcissistic personality trait right now. Society is at a crossroads and the division between right and wrong has seemingly blurred. Those who would not have considered lashing out on another human in the past are being driven by fear to do so in an attempt to preserve what they believe to be right. The cognitive dissonance that creates a chasm between firmly held beliefs and new concepts is wider than ever.
This is very obvious just in the political arena. One side is completely convinced the other is the enemy and coming together for the good of the country is almost unheard of. Those who dare to come to an understanding and compromise with the other side are demonized and become the target of hate from both factions.
Relationships are crumbling as are corporations. Church pews are empty and even those who claim to be spiritual are at odds. Conspiracy theories lead to rabbit holes that only serve to widen the chasm of cognitive dissonance even further.
For the most part, humans are kind and empathetic. They are focused on helping one another and bringing out the best in the entire race, but they aren’t the ones getting the media attention. The media makes vast amounts of money by pushing the division and pitting one side against the other. The truth is elusive and does not lie in any of the media right now. It’s necessary to believe only half of what you hear, read or see. If you aren’t in a place in which you are able to come to your own conclusions you’ll become the prey.
Narcissists work exclusively from their own ego. A true narcissist views their own desires as tantamount and will gaslight, or target, anyone who disagrees with them. Sometimes this is done overtly and in other instances, it is more covert.
In a relationship the narcissist will often begin with love bombing. They might show up at your office with flowers or candy, showering you with attention until you’ve become so smitten with them you’re willing to fall under their control. Once that has happened, they will begin the next stage in which they will begin to make small demands that seem innocuous at first. They might start with making suggestions about your wardrobe or eating habits, telling you they know what’s best for you. After the period of love bombing you’ll find yourself believing them and following their suggestions.
This will always escalate at some point in the relationship. Small critical remarks become demands to acquiesce to their wants and gaslighting. In my case, I was often told, with great authority, if I did not act appropriately he could have me committed to the hospital. It wasn’t really until he took a pan of gravy and threw it against the wall because it was lumpy that I began to recognize the severity of the problem.
Narcissism in a church generally resides in the minister or other leader. They will begin by convincing the congregation that they know what’s best. The most ironic thing I witnessed in this scenario was when a minister sternly told the congregation she would not tolerate any division within the congregation then proceeded to pit congregant against congregant until everyone who recognized the problem walked out. Because a narcissist always has a core group of followers who don’t see what’s actually happening, even after the minister resigned, this particular church is not likely to survive. Leadership was passed to the minister’s followers who continue the tradition of harm and division.
With more and more people turning from religion to a more spiritual connection, it can sometimes be tougher to see where the narcissism lies. You want to believe that someone telling you about how to heal your childhood trauma with an air of empathy is trustworthy. You’re desperately looking for answers and that leader appears to have them. But, without the ability to discern ego-based spirituality from guidance, you become the ideal person for the narcissist to prey upon.
There is a very well known spiritual leader today who is giving out guidance and has millions of followers. They purchase her books, programs and anything else offered because they believe she has the answers. The problem with this particular person is that she is also telling these very same followers that she’s the only one who has the answers. She’s special, she’s been called and unless they follow her they will never get where they need to be. This person is a covert narcissist. The fact is, we all have the same connection to Source and no one has all the answers. Finding someone who can guide you through this process is very different than someone who’s telling you they have the only line of communication.
Right now we are seeing the struggle of the old energy based on fear to remain relevant, and it is giving rise to the ego based narcissists who want to control the narrative. They can’t, and won’t win, but they can cause you to follow the wrong path temporarily on your way to transcendence. There is no conflict between sending everyone love and light while exercising some discernment. In fact, it is absolutely necessary in these times to be a little cynical and recognize those who may put obstacles in your path. They will eventually get to the same place you’re going, but they must follow their karma and process what’s holding them back first. You don’t need to stay in their presence to help them make that happen. Transcendence is a personal journey of healing and not everyone is ready for it. Wish them well and move on knowing that it just may take them a few more lifetimes to figure it out.